i often wonder what the point of finals is. really. the stress is unnecessary. i don't think its truely an adequate avenue for us to demonstrate to our professors what knowledge we have gained over the semester; for most people its a test of how well you can cram. rarrrr.

anywho, today i did something nice for someone else, somewhat randomly but with lots of meaning and care behind the action. and it made me feel really good. when i was rushing around in the morning traffic this morning, getting everything together, i was agitated and afraid that i wouldn't get to his house before he had to leave to take his final. but nope! i let myself in and knocked on his door, and he appeared, groggy eyed, in the smallest crack of an opening he could make between the door and its frame. it's funny how doing nice things for other people is just as rewarding for yourself as it is for the other person. sometimes i feel greedy when i volunteer places, that maybe i'm getting more out of it than i am supposed to, or than i should. then again, if no one truely enjoyed serving others, there'd be alot more sad people in the world. one hting that bothers me about community service though, or i guess i should say the people who do the service, who do it only because it looks good to other people. that goes for everything, actually. its silly to do something you dont necessarily believe in just because you want to be associated with the good qualities that people who do that something are attributed. some of my biggest pet peeves are hypocrisy, apathy, and sugar-coated fakeness. rarrr.

the science of mental unstability fascinates me. is it chemical? biological? genetic? what physically happens in a person who feels like they aren't worth anything, what can let a person scrape across their viens with a knife? what makes people hurt each other? one of my best friends from middle and high school is suicidal; i wonder if we had stayed better friends, kept in contact more, could i have made a difference? can any one person ever make a difference in another person's life, i mean really make a difference? in my niave optimistic outlook, i'd like to think so, but then why didn't i try?

what makes people not love or fall out of love?

i should get back to estudiar-ing.