Have I mentioned that I'm helping to start a book club? I'm so excited and proud, I need to dork out for a minute here and share. A few friends and I, who all took both AP English-es (grammar and literature, maybe?) together, have started this book club with our AP English teacher (the very one I gushed about in a previous post after spending the afternoon with her). We're going to read Jonathan Livingston Seagull first, and discuss it on a blog.

Yes, this summer I have become a network system administrator (ye-ya, guess who knew to release and renew their IP address to make the internet work again this afternoon? bee-atch) and a blog-starter for a group including members who had no idea what a blog was. I am Tech Support. I've come a long way from Atlanta, that's for sure. :)

If you'd like to follow along with our bookish discussions, or even if you'd like to join in!, you can check us out at www.shahandehbookclub.blogspot.com

Danny came over tonight to play tennis, and when I told him about the SBC (he was in Shahandeh's class too) he responded that he'd only join in if we had a Magazine Club, "So what'd you think of the article in this month's Maxim, Jen?" haha

I also shared my stress and random thoughts from this past weekend in Atlanta with D, who recommended that my top priorities when I get to NO be, in this order:
1. food
2. TP
3. TV
4. couch
5. "men" (he used a different - uh, more expressive? - word)

As for number four, if you're familiar with my tropical-caribean-pacific-west indies theme goals, then you'd know that I've already bought a sleeper sofa and loveseat. Sadly, I got a call from the furniture store today that they messed up the order and, basically, I have no couch. My dream room must be created with the help of some other furniture store. And after I had already sworn off furniture shopping for the next five years of my life because it's so mind numbing. *sigh* But enough of the mundane day-to-day (which also happens to be a great NPR show on at noon on my local NPR station) recap, on to the more interesting (and comment-able, hint hint :)) swooshing around in my mind.

Good conversations with D tonight also centered on the relationship continuum - you know the one - love, falling out of love, realizing you've fallen out of love, deciding what to do about falling out of love, breaking up, selfishly enjoying individuality, feeling guilty and scared about starting to want a new relationship, wondering how relationships work again, wanting to be selfish and in a relationship, being terrified about messing things up again, remembering how great and horrible being selfish and alone is.

We don't know the rest of the stages yet, though.

The greatest thing? Having friends to float through the continuum with. Having GREAT friends to do so. In the past 6 months I've learned more about the way true friendships work than I had in the previous 21 years of my life. Before, I was blindly bumbling my way through, lucky enough to have people around me who had already figured the whole process out and were willing to let me stumble back and forth in their arms. Now, I realize how important it is to give yourself to the other person, emotionally and mentally and with words; you can't just be a great listener, selfishly taking their woes and joys without sharing your own. As much as it hurts, it's proving that you trust your friends to stick by you when you complain and cry by complaining and crying with them; that you are just as trust worthy by giving them a shirt sleeve to wipe their snot on, and to slap them around when they're being ridiculous. I credit Dr. Shippey with helping me figure this out :)

Referring to Jonny's recent post on loyalty, I don't think my notions of friendship exemplify infallible loyalty; instead, I want to continue to strive to prove my loyalty in the sense of the (although obsolete) third definition of the word from Meriam Webster Online: legitimate. I want to prove myself to be a legitimate friend, worthy of the other person's investment of time, heart, and words in me; I want for it to be okay for me to re-evaluate a friendship for its legitimacy, and I want my friends to do the same. People change, hearts change, allegiances change, and love changes. I want my friendships to be relevant.

There's something to be said for the past (you can't invest in the future without relishing the treasures of the past) and the friends that molded you, grew you, and grew with you, but there's also something to knowing when a friend moves from being a current, pertinent part of your foment to a sweet memory that should be relished for their gifts without feeling guilty about present transgressions like not calling.

And yet, that's one of the hardest things to do. To mutually recognize that as much as you love a person for what they've given you - each's ability to share more insight, grow, challenge, and enjoy each other - that it's time to withdraw, seems nearly impossible.

Which is why long-term, truly relevant friendships that have evolved over time - offering different joys than when they began - amaze me. Their ability to change, each friend's ability to be disloyal at some point and let their faith in the other be challenged, is what has allowed them to persevere. And that's why I love my long-term friends from the bottom of my heart. You guys are the best.

This post doesn't feel quite right for some reason. Like my sentiment isn't working, or my ideas don't mean the same thing here as they do in my mind. Help me figure out what I'm trying to say and tell me what you think.