I'm frustrated because I'm sad. I'm frustrated because I'm weak. I'm frustrated because I'm stressed over situations I should have control over, and don't.

I'm not happy in this middle ground like I thought I could be. I'm not satisfied with an unknown, not satisfied with feeling so much, not satisfied with the possibility that I'm getting strung along. Not satisfied with being vulnerable to the emotions and misperceptions of the rest of the female world.

I don't want to move. I don't want to leave my house. I don't want to have to start over. I've already been pulled away from the one constant, the one truly good thing in life right now; my life's been transplanted around me and I'm merely a spectator to the changing faces and scenery.

I'm a better person when I'm alone, when I'm uninfluenced by the ebb and flow of the heart's machinations. I'm better when I care about my impact on and interactions with those around me, instead of worrying about what one particular person thinks of me.

Things have never been "normal." Things have never been too steady, and I'm not happy when they stagnate, but why does this all have to happen at once? Why do I simultaneously have to question every emotion's validity and worth while being removed from my comfort zone?

I think I'll curl up and take a nap. When all I really want to happen is for you to tell me you want what I don't think I can give you. When does it feel ok? When do you not feel like a dummy, and get to take any joy in it? I hate what emotions do to who I am.