one of my sister's fathers died 2 weeks ago or so, and K and i were just talking about how strong she must be to be able to block out the pain and take her finals. now her away message says: "My source of knowledge, my source of progress, my source of joy....gone" i can't even imagine how i would feel if one of my parents died. and i dont want to have to. but then i realized, in the midst of feeling bad for her, that my own granmother died not two months ago. that i was a broken train wreck earlier this semester. how long ago that seems...and how guilty i feel for having that thought come as a shock to me, as though i had completely forgotten and my mom was calling to tell me for the first time. what made me feel better? certainly not jody. what happened to make me stop emulating a fountain and return the smile to my face? what worked for me that i could try to do for my sister? i think it was just time. i hate how trite that sounds, "time heals all." it's just that time equals forgetting, time equals burying the past, time doesn't heal things, it just covers them over until the wounds are no longer on the surface and they can be ignored. oye!

it's hard to believe that after the next 72 hours or so, my life at school will completely change. most of my closest friends are leaving to work around the country and won't be a couple footsteps away anymore. sniff. aye!

back to studying