Ok. So, we know that after years of thought and introspection, I know what I want: what drives me, my passions, what I want to see changed in the world.

And we know that I'm finally tired of pretending I don't really care when I really do. When I love conversations about it.

And we know that I'm ready to accept the insurmountable challenge Following My Dreams is sure to be, that I very likely will fail in my pursuit of "something." And yet we also know that, to refer back to my favorite quote, "...no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." (The Alchemist)

So I've accepted my idealism, accepted that it must be tempered with a dose of realism to have any hope of accomplishment, I've got the encourgement and belief of great friends who tell me I can do anything if I let people see the - trite as it sounds - genuine fire in my eyes, and I'm stuck on the "where to begin" part of things.

So where do I begin? I feel like this trek along my Passion's Road is going to require me to feel like Ron did in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince when he thought Harry had slipped him some felix felicious(sp?), or lucky juice, and just follow whatever seems right and applicable at the moment.

To find an idea, belief, person that moves you deeply enough, touches you strongly enough to make you willing to give up your entire life’s being to see it through. IA Jonathan says this is what determines the people who make a difference and why they do so in particular fields, because they are willing to give everything to see through fruition that passion that is particularly theirs.

But like true love with a person, how do you know you’ve stumbled across your true passion, especially when you grow up being told that what you think you know at a young age you don’t really know? Even though I felt like I could cry on Saturday night when I was talking to Tom about how much, how deeply, I wanted to save the world in my own way (the alcohol might have made me hyperbolize a smidge), am I really willing to give up everything – all the comforts I’ve worked for for myself – to clean the environment help Sudan stop suffering make people understand and care for each other?

Am I? Especially when my “dreams” are so broad and stereotypical and far reaching? What if I suddenly realize what a horrible mistake I’ve made in listening to The Alchemist? And yet, I know in my heart what I must do – follow my Personal Legend (if you’ve never heard of that phrase, read The Alchemist!.

Ugh, this is so frustrating to feel trapped in a circular argument with myself about this whole abstract "dreams" thing. Ugh.

Outside the ramble that is my mind's continual confusion, it's been a good few weeks with more on the way. Thursday I'm going to Atlanta (wooo!!) and Sunday-Wed it's offshore.

Saturday night was a fun time in the French Quarter, where we had a conversation with a 30-ish woman about our "kids" - I, apparently, had three (ages 6, 4, and 2) according to a very intoxicated friend; but the random woman told me something that stuck with me and for some odd reason I've taken to heart. Maybe it meant more coming from a stranger who somehow got this impression from a 30 minute conversation (not about the kids - that rouse was given up pretty quickly). She told me that I was amazing and after asking her "WHY" with a look of shock on my face, she told me because I was beautiful. "A natural beauty," she said. It reminded me to never underestimate the power of kind words in passing, and the way they can have unintended effects. I want to be more honest with people and tell them really nice things to maybe make someone else feel the same sort of surprised and touched way she made me feel.

Even though the woman had obviously been drinking, she seemed honest when she said it and why not just take something at face value without analyzing why I don't really believe it to be true like I normally would, right?

And so what if I'm not really "beautiful" -- I've decided that everyone deserves to feel that way once in while anyway.

Next time I see you, I'm telling you something honest I like about you.