Know what makes me feel better when I am despairing on my couch, moving listlessly through the motions of life? What makes me feel true hope and know that there really is a place for me in the world alongside everyone else?

It's hearing President Clinton's words on CNN during their special on AIDS, and the hopeful message of all the other panelists. It's being reminded that there are so many bigger issues the world is facing right now, so many more important struggles than my frustrations with personal acceptance and affirmation. It's know that there are better causes for which to despair than my own lack of self confidence and personal fulfillment, and it's knowing that there are ways to make myself better by making the lives of those around me better.

My spark was dwindling, I was feeling captured and a lackluster sense of passion for those worldwide tragedies that normally motivate my heart to figure out how I can go and do and share in my part of lessening the undeserved burden on so many good people. And yet, as always when I'm writing here, I'm still sitting, in the same place, without concrete plans to use my hands and move my legs. The strength of the calling within me to somehow do something only continues to grow and I pray that oneday soon an opportunity will become obvious to me as an outlet by which to express this desire to help.