I walked out of my house tonight (est. 6:40 p.m., e.s.t., south) to walk Sandi (dog), down the driveway, and onto the street. I turned to head towards the main street (west), but noting that Sandi was lagging behind, I did an about face (east) to discover the reason for the hold up. She was caught up in a specific pile of poopie, but I was almost immediately distracted and my eyes diverted to straight overhead (easter-upper-ly). My visual senses were assualted with an enormous sky of deep blue, with pinpricks of sparkling white light shining through all over. I had my clearest view of the night sky since the last time I had been home. Feeling safely, warmly (temperature: a balmy 65, Farenheit) enwrapped in this blanket of blue, I felt reconnected to the world around me, reminded of the small role I play in this huge globe; with the sky overhead, how can anyone ever feel alone?

The dog and I walked, with her sniffing and me pondering. What a world.

This may sound conceited, selfish, self-centered, snobbish, and even (oh my!) stupid, but I was thinking tonight as I jovially entertained the fam, about how boring their lives must be when I leave. What do they do for giggles? For stomach-aching guffaws? Because I'm funny, gosh darnit. I crack my parents up. Sure, it's cause I act silly and stoopid (ways I would never act around my friends. hehe. Sure, it's not real humor, like rehearsed jokes or anything, but still, it illicits smiles and that's what's important. It makes me feel really good to play this family-jester sort of role, because as the only child I'm showered with attention (and the good kind too, not just angry attention) and loved. I know I'd be love even if I was without my modicum of humor, but it makes me feel proud and unique and special to someone else -- to somebodies else. Yea. So maybe I should really ask myself, what do I do when they're not around? I really feel like my whole personality is happier and brighter and chippy-er when I'm not in school. Maybe that's how everyone is, without stress and all. I wish I could capture the way I feel now, like nothing can touch me, and sustain it throughout the semester. I've got lots more semesters to try.... :)

I was thinking about possible reasons why my dad was so grumpy yesterday, and it hit me like a Mack truck would hit a blade of grass--my grandpa (dad's dad) died four years ago on Christmas eve. I can't believe another one has passed..... humm, grandparent and year....oh, the ambiguity.