I can't believe it's already Thursday, that the whirlwind sardonic people call "school" is back in session; I don't quite feel overwhelmed yet, but certain things must be noted.

Like, for example, the fact that as I type this, there is a person bouncing a ball in the room above mine; most annoying is the fact that its bounces are not in sync with the beat of my music (which happens to be Our Lady Peace, only the best band ever).

"Are you sad? Are you locked in your room? Are you holding yourself? You shouldn't be." --Just a sampling of the OLP song playing this very instant.

I have been very busy this week with lots of stuff but nothing to really show for all my efforts, sadly. I'm very upset that my acting debut is the same night as Jody's formal, which we had been looking forward to lots since it's in Savannah. Rarr. So now not only will my parents not get to come because of governmental beaurocracy, but now another important person might not be able to go either. Alas. On a happier note, I got elected Sisterhood chair for Alpha Gam last night at chapter - weehoo! I can't wait; I'm definitely ready to move on from t-shirts, pictures, and favors.

I had a meeting with Rosemary on Tuesday to just talk, which was really nice (she's writing a letter of rec. for me). I found myself separating from myself, if that makes sense, and listening to what was coming out of my mouth and I was amazed at how succinctly I was able to describe the change I've felt happen within myself in the past 6 months. How clearly and definitively I described my newfound self-awareness, of knowing what I want out of life (at least at this stage), what I want to accomplish, what standards I have for myself...Most importantly, I've learned how unimportant school is in the grand scheme of things. Or, maybe I should say, how little the classes themselves play a role in defining who I am as a person and helping me find out what makes me happiest. I like randomness; GIVE ME ENTROPY! I like feeling happy. I like having friends, talking to people, not stressing over trivial things that don't define my person, not feeling defeated at every turn, not feeling my optimism stomped on, not being discouraged, not feeling like I'm not doing enough, knowing enough, being where I dont' really want to be just because I think that's where I'm supposed to be, not wanting to constantly be something else, making decisions that I want to make, not ones that I think I'm supposed to, doing what's right for right now, for me. I don't think I'm verbalizing quite what my mind is trying to say, the words are all kind of pouring out nonsensically together, but I know what I mean. So there. :)

"We've both got a long way to run...yeaaaah" --a little shout out to my KAB

Speaking of her, I miss my Kristy more than I'd miss my pinky nail if it was removed. I miss Kristy Sounds, Kristy Routines, Kristy Speakings. It's hard to believe she won't be here for so very long. Alas. I'm having to adjust to hearing different sounds in the morning, different time schedules, different mannerisms. I feel like a puppy dog whose owner has left them at the kennel. Ok, maybe it's not quite that extreme, but still.

I was such a dedicated blogger over break, and then I didn't have access to la computadora the last week or so, so here's what happened:
I came back to Atlanta on New Year's Eve, and Jody and I watched the sad, sad Tech game at his mom's house. Some of his high school friends came over, and his sister and lots of her friends were there. I felt surprisingly comfortable. I almost do better when I don't know people at a party because then I can be the shy person I really am and not have to worry about being super-outgoing or personable. I can just retreat to my mind and let others interact with no expectations of me joining in. At the same time, I really like watching people interact, watching the dynamics of a group and where each individual fits in. I've always been an observer in groups. The problem this creates when I know lots of people at the gathering is that people think I'm sad or depressed and not talking, but no! I just have nothing to contribute and would rather watch others. Sometimes. Anywho, after a good stint at the mother's (and me having a super strong margerita) we drove back to Tech and went to a friend's party, where I proceeded to *enjoy* the eve a little more (read: I learned how to use a keg), talk to people I hadn't seen in ages, and enjoy just being. This was the first New Years that I felt I really experienced as an individual human being in the real world; prior years have always been filled with my parents, going to bed at nine, setting the alarm for 11:45, watching the ball or orange drop, and nodding off once again; last year was pretty fun at the time (chilling with close friends from high school while two of our friends got it on in one of the bedrooms...yeooww!) but then kind of soured; but this time I was off, away, in reality sort of. The room of people counted down to the new year, we toasted, sipped a little bubbly, and cheer was shared by all. Sometime right after 2003 was born, I asked a very large (read: tall) friend if he remembered last new year's party in which he danced with a girl in between his long, lanky legs, practically bent over and to the floor. The best part was that I asked him all this in front of a girl I think he was trying to hook up with. Ha! By that point, I couldn't really hold any words in, whatever came to mind, I said. Laughter was shared by all.

The following day found me completely consumed by football. Woof. We experimented in making different chip dips, so that the bowl-watching experience would be complete. On Thursday I made my first ever trekk to a ski mountain. The drive was gorgeous - the trees shimmered with a beauty only possible in the starkest of growth phases, with their limbs bare of all leaves, and their bark glaring in contrast to the crisp blue skies kept company by the gentlest puffs of white clouds. Once we had begun our ascent to the top of the mountain (or as near to it as our lodge would take us), the atmosphere filled with fog thicker than my glasses. I was terrified; I couldn't see five feet in front of the car. But, as evidenced by this very entry, I survived. :)

The skiing was amazing. I took a lesson with Dan, a man whose aged and weather-beaten face had an easy smile ready for me. He taught me the art of the "wedge," the stop, and the shoulder slant. I felt comfortable in his presence, as I half skiied-half fell my way down the easy patch of the mountain. By the time my lesson was over, I felt ready to conquer Everest. Just let me at it! I thought. But then, when Dan had left my side, I was suddenly stricken with terror -- was it right shoulder up the slope or left? was it wedge or edge on this part? do I hold the pole left or right on the chair? What was I to do???

Just as I managed to close my eyes and bear the fog, I also just went with the snow, fell over a couple more times, and got the hang of this whole "ski" thing. And now I have the bug. I want to go again, I want to feel that cool air against the tiniest part of my cheeks that show between the bottom of my scully and the top of my purple striped scarf. I want to feel the crush of the freshly laid snow between my skiis and the ground somewhere below.

The little town enraptured me: I felt transported into a story, like this small wedge of light-speckled skyline had been set in front of me for me to write a book about it - the mountain was to be my muse, I its instrument of voice. But at the same instant that I felt inspired, I also sadly knew that I never wanted to live in a place like "this," at least not for an extended period of time. As gorgeous as everything was, I was missing something, and knew I wouldn't be able to find it elevated 4500 feet above the very thing I longed for.

It's time to end this mental reprieve from the real world.

"Oh mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child in my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean's tides, can I handle the changing seasons of my life? Well I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you, but time makes you bolder, children get older, and I'm getting older too. So, take this love and take it down. If you climb a mountain and you turn around, if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well the landslide will bring it down, down." --Fleetwood Mack