So much to say since I last posted. I've been taking notes, so I wouldn't forget any of the random things that felt so very important at the very instant I thought them, and I don't want to rob myself of my impromptu psychological analyses. (analysi?)

First, since it's on right now in the form of "The Even Stevens Movie," (on the Disney channel, of course) I have to gush for a minute about two things relating to the show the movie branches off from: one, that Shia Labeouf (sp?), who plays Louis Stevens, is gorgeous. Very cute. And even thought he plays a 7th grader (I think) on the show, I do believe he's about 19 years old (just like me!). I know that the girl who plays his sister on the show is 19 and goes to Barnard (woot woot Sara! hehe). Second thing to point out is how much watching the show takes me to *another place* makes me believe in young, childish love and first kisses and the kind of embarrassement that makes you grow as a person, and hope and yearning and uh, just everything true and innocent and wonderful about those awful teenage years. It also makes me hate tv shows like it, though, for having people who are almost 20 years old play characters 7 years their junior - it's a twisted way to put stereotypes of what you're supposed to look like and think when youre that age. I know when I was in 7th and 8th grade people didn't really "date" or wear "bras" (I prefer the term "unders" as Smelly makes fun of me for), and when I watched shows that were supposed to be about my peers, I felt extreme piercing jealousy of their clear superiority of me, emotionally and physically. And then when I see Louis surprisingly kiss Tawny, I think about how it took me until 12th grade for that to happen!!!!! Where's the justice?? Where?!

But, even with all my qualms about the show, I still love it and love the mood it puts me in, that pure, anything can happen in life to make it even better and more adventurous. But at the same time, I want to shout to all the kids out there, "Don't worry! It's ok if you don't have boobs like Ren, she's been growing them for 7 years longer than you! They're not even that great, I promise, and don't feel bad if you don't have the same fashion sense, and still carry a lunch box to school (I know I did until I graduated high school; ain't no shame), and don't like boys yet! Hold on to what youth you still have left - cherish it, grasp it, don't try to pull on the years of adulthood "responsibility" and love yet - it'll still be waiting for you when the time is right."

Speaking of shouting out to others around me, a very strange, coulda-been-a-movie-scene something happened to me last week, TUesday to be exact. I was working out on the elliptical/running machine at the FIU gym, and the machine is situated right in front of a huge wall of somewhat-tinted windows (you know, the kind that you can see through from the outside if the sun hits them just right, but otherwise they serve as good mirrors for the passersby). FIU was holding some high school graduation ceremonies that day (which made parking for class in the morning a complete bizznatch), and in the middle of my workout, a flood of white cap-and-gown wearing graduates rushed out of the nearby building, smiling, chatting with friends, passing heavy loads of purses/diplomas/awards off on proud parents that were left behind in the rush, then summoned to take pictures of the excited groups. In each batch of these kids there'd be a few who peered into the big reflective windows, smile big smiles, and wave big waves, and then there'd be a few kids in the back of the batch who didn't really walk next to anyone, didn't really chat or smile, looked sad and reflective (gasy maybe? hehe) and would peer into the window without really seeing through it, just looking at the surface and their reflections to check for fly-aways and make sure their smiles didn't look too fake. I wanted to shout at them, scream at the top of my lungs, "DON'T DO IT!! Don't gladly, willingly give away the easy times of high school. You'll never again have these times in your life! Cherish them! Be nice to your parents, tell your friends how much you love them before you're states apart, keep in touch with your grandparents, eat the good food while you still have it!!" Although, I think this somehow makes me think that there might be someone else out there, shouting at me through a proverbial reflective glass window, "Enjoy this period of your life -- you'll never have it ever again! You'll never again have the freedom and intellectual stimulation and ability to grow and make life long friends as you do in college!" Makes me want to sing the "Circle of Life" song from the Lion King, yo, cause that's what all this is. Heavy stuff, saddening and yet simultaneously exciting. This is what i had written down before: "The past is peaking in the window at me in the form of newly graduated kids peering in and waving lightheartedly at me; I wanted to shout out a tthem, "be careful! it's not as easy as you think! value what you have now!"

The next day, when I went running, I came across a little kid (2 maybe?) in a stroller being pushed along by who I presumed to be his nanny, and waved at him. I felt like I was running by the dichotomy of all that is separated in life in these American states - the rich and the poor, the young and the old, the soon-to-be-privately-schooled-educated and the uneducated, the still life-optimistic and those pushed down and run over by beaurocracy and power, the naive and the jaded... And I just ran away with a wave and a smile. Kind of like a politician does....

Sidenote; my ma just came in here and was like, what are you doing, and i was like *nothing* and she was all suspicious and i was super embarrassed and like "ok fine!! im writing in my online journal, ok, but forget about it cause i dont want you reading it! and no, i dont know why im so embarrased about it, ok?!" to which my mother curtly replied, "you and millions of other people." ugh, to be trivialized....

I saw TWO rainbows last week. And I bought a digital camcorder. Aaaaaaa!!!! I'm sooooo excited about that. I searched online for a good couple of weeks to educate myself all about features, figure out what I wanted, where to get the best price, etc etc, and finally got my 5th week's paycheck which meant that I had saved up enough to get what I wanted, so tada! I ordered the Canon ZR-65 MC. My heart goes pitter-patt just a-thinkin about it; I can't wait till it gets here. Just call me Dawson Leery or something like that hehe.

Spending so much time every week with my grandma has been awesome, but at the same time very sobering and slightly sad. I'm almost afraid to ask her questions sometimes, and challenge her on some things she says, because she can't hear very well, and she sometimes has "senior moments" and it makes me really sad to provoke things that remind me of her growing frailty. I feel like I'm trying to shy away from seeing her weakness, but it's hard. I guess I should just feel lucky and happy that I can spend this time with her now. It also makes me sad to think about how much time she's all alone in her life, living alone for almost ten years since my grandpa Bill's been dead. I don't ever want to be living alone for that long when I'm old- who'd kill the bugs? And keep away the scary burgulars? Good thing that's still really far away for me, but it still makes me sad for grandma.

And how about these strange relationships I have with my classmates? I don't even know what to say about it...we don't ever really talk, but we do, and they're nice and all, but no one speaks english! hehe ok thats an exaggeration, but not by much, I don't know...it's just different. More on that later when I can think of what to say abotu it.

I have more to say - about Life of Pi (aaa! Wednesday on the Diane Rheem show!), about mi familia, about a new obsession with Scattegories (the game), about getting to see Maroon 5 and Jason Mraz tomorrow! in concert! aaa!, church, hypocrisy, and all the other things i wrote about candidly in the back of my planner. But homework awaits. THat's all for now. And I'm still in search of a really good name for this blog, since "I'm still Jenny From the Block" is slightly 5minutes ago hehe, not that im a slave to trend. and once i get the camara, i'm gonna try to change the picture and some other stuff on here if i dont get too sick of dial up speed :)

Goodnight, world. I love you, cookies. (hehehe those who aren't in the "know" might think that's a little strange. but it's not. just a little shout otu to a certain turtle. woot woot)