whoa. where has my passion gone? am i so wiped out from doing mindless blither and blather that i have no more energy left for my own emotions?? it's a sad feeling this is, this feeling of creative unproductivity. i feel as though my bouts with unexplained (well, sortof) emotional rollercoastering have caused me to completely ignore/shut all emotions off and not really think about anything, but i dont like that. i feel like im not really living im not in touch with myself. i dont know.im always "too tired". humph. i want to go back to europe and remember what my own person was again. what it was to feel like i could do anything that actually matter to me in the world outside of tech, im so glad that at least im going to get away for the summer and not be immersed in its politiking and stuff. i want to look out that little window that was mine in Mr Jamoul's house on Gribamount, with the little patch of flowers and grass intersecting other yards and fences. i feel unjustly sad. i feel nostalgic. i feel sleepy. i feel sad, like what sprout and i have must not be a real relationship because so many others have zoomed by ours - or at least it seems they are together more, do more things for each otehr i guess the grass is always greener on the other side of the proverbial fence. man and ** got lavaliered. that kind of stuff doesnt really matter, but at the same time i feel like the thought would be nice, but i know is not into that sortof thing at all; he thinks its stupid. i just want a friggin candle lighting, really :) oye vay. i miss passion. i need to find it again. oh passion, where have you gone? come back to me. im right here. see me? do you?