death be not proud.

so a quick update: last week was spring break and i went to visit my uncle who lives in greenwich (sp?) village in NYC; my super buddy-o from high school, one ms. sara hasselbach aka sar sar aka sarandiferous aka superdedupersara, who goes to school up there. i just love her :) and kristy drove in from boston where she's co-oping to bum around with me. we had good times once she actually found my uncle's apt. it was funny, i dont know what happened by k managed to traverse all of manhattan in search of matt's and almost made her way to new jersey, which would have been awful but hilarious at the same time.

on the flight home, i was hit with a feeling of adultness. a feeling of realization that things are never ever ever going to be the same again -- not that they were all of a sudden going to change, just that they'd been changing over the past year and the force of the finiteness of all of this change just hit me 30,000 feet in the air. i drove myself to the airport. parked dip in the economy lot. was responsible for going to the counter, saying, "i'd like a standby ticket to boston." finding out there were none, i asked if they had any openings on flights to JFK, on a whim (i have keys to my uncle's apartment so i knew i'd have somewhere to go). they did, and so i flew. i've become quite the little adventurer, haven't i? hehe. upon getting to NY, i got to my uncle's apt and found out he was about to go on a date with some lady he met online...he's quite the techno-savvy middle-ager. it's great. so back to my epiphany. sitting all alone on this flight back to atlanta, my co-opted home (i was surprised to hear myself automatically reply, "atlanta" when people on the flight, in the taxi, or in passing would ask me where i was from), thinking about my autonomy and ability to direct my physical path for a week, to go where ever my mind and feet took me. its scary all at the same time though. very very scary. it makes me miss europe a lot. i absolutely loved and adored last summer and would do it a thousand times again if given the chance. i'm so glad i have a different perspective through which i look at the current state of international affairs, one more euro-centric than previously. this morning it was warm enough to wear my comfy brown clark sandals, which i used to pad all over the EU, and i felt this rush of emotion similar to what i felt those first few days in belgium. a rush of happiness, nervousness, apprehension, excitement....ill stop, i'm gushing. it's just getting disgusting here.

when i got back to atl on wednesday, i went to lauwrenceville to see the sprout and hang out with his family, which was lots of fun. it made me happy to see him in a different environment, and to help him feel better and less depressed.

i've had to make one of the biggest decisions since i've been at tech, this week. i originally applied to be editor-in-chief of the technique and turned my 5 page (single spaced, mind you)_dissertation on what i wanted to change/do better/vision/goals for the technique next year, and monday i decided to withdraw from the race. i thought about it every day of spring break and now when people ask me why i withdrew i have trouble coming up with an answer, even though i had soooo many thoughts swirling in my head throughout the week. it mostly came down to selfishness in a sense, and wanting to preserve my mental health. i'm not ready to decrease my involvement in the other things i enjoy here -- including my sisterhood stuff and pcgb -- which i know would be necessary to do everything i wanted for the technique. i also really really want to do the opinions section, almost more than the big job. plus, i love having the reins over an actual section, deciding what goes in it, its layout and stuff, and i know as chief i wouldnt get to do that anymore. i still have another year to apply anyway. i talked to rosemary for a while about it all, and she maybe me finally feel comfortable with the decision i think i had kind of made in the back of my mind all along, by telling me that learning to say no is one of the most important things a person can ever do, and it's so true. when i felt immediate relief as soon as i made the decision, i knew it was the rgiht one. im sure ill regret it at times (i already have), but i just have to remind myself why it's the right one. i told rm how i kind of felt like i was letting the paper down, because i thought i'd be the best at the job (otherwise why would anyone apply for it, unless they think they'd do it best, really?), but i know whoever does it will be fine, and just cause i dont have the title doesnt mean i cant try to share my ideas and get some accomplished, and help out more with the creative processes and stuff. we'll see...im sure ill carve out a new niche for myslef that will make me happy.

we had ls interviews last night and it was a blast, which really surprised me. it was interesting to be on the other side of things and see how different people are and yet how similar answers can be when the person is thinking they're being super unique and such. hum. i think it's given me a new perspective for the next time im interviewed.

now it's time to do a take home test. weehoo.

good night world. i miss you already.