When did I become so different from what I am now? What was it that made me change so drastically, or so it seems. Was it that in high school I was constantly surrounded by people who enjoyed drowning themselves in selfish repetitious pitying thoughts of their own demise and idiocity and that rubbed off on me? Or was it that everyone in high school goes through that phase when they feel as though they are the center of the universe and all their feelings are the most important thing ever and everyone else must obviously care about thsoe feelings and want to know all about them but until the advent of the blog and online journal no one knew that everyone else felt like this. And why is it that some people never grow out of this phase, never realize that they are in control of their own lives (to some extent, anyway) and they can't go on forever blaming the rest of the "unfeeling and insensitive" world for them feeling so melancholy and depressed all the time. I dont understand how people can get stuck like that as long as you're okay in the head. how? how is it that someone who would otherwise seem so perfectly normal be so perfectly trapped by their own abilities to get themselves out of their own miserable situation? And then when they complain and are sad about it, i want to feel bad, i really do, but i can't because i just keep thinking you can pull yourself out and if not you should see a psychologist and find out whats wrong with you. and if all the people you think are ok are really not ok insides, is anyone actually ok inside? is the whole of the human population messed up in the head and crying for release? is this a product of the society we have built around ourselves or is it soemthing that we wanted to happen all along so as to make it easier to have self pity and self loathing, since those seem like such popular emotions. i just dont understnad. i dont i dont and i dont want to right now. maybe its my own emotional snobbery? does that exist - that since im so happy and content right now and in love that i dont have room to understnad or have compassion for the hurt in other people? that doesnt seem right either. god, what is it that is going on in this world? sometimes i feel like we are coming to the mental apocalypse, wehere maybe we are physically destructing, but even worse, we are blwoing up our minds with hatred, prejudice, and depression. why was depression not as prevelant in earlier civilizations? is it that the gene pool has become more and more defective and weaker ove rthe years or is it other things in our society that have cause this weakening of our minds and emotions? that is all for now.