i kind of, right now, just want to cry, but feel like it might be impossible since my contacts are dry and stuck hard to my eyes and my tear ducts just aren't being cooperative. so instead, i will feel suffocated inside; shriveled and whiney and strange and hurt and happy and confused and longing to get out. instead, i will force my emotions out through words instead of tears. i feel this mix of hope and joy for what's to come, but sadness for what could happen with negative repercussions, with ireparable consequences that i'm not sure i'm ready to face, you know?

life is really incredible, how it swishes and sways and just when you think you've got it cornered, it pulls the ol' one-two and bam you're in the next chapter trying to figure out who stole the cookie who pulled the trigger.

to think of what impact others have on your life without their knowing it, without their realizing that they made me smile, laugh, feel just a little of the stress relieved. and, reciprically, it's nice to think about the positive effect that's possible to have in other's people's lives, that just one smile in passing on the street can make all the world of difference to just one person without your ever knowing. That's my life's tribute to my late Grandpa Jerry, who was one of my biggest heros, -- to smile. He always taught me, "Jennifer, it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. That's proven." And so I smile. And am thankful to the incredible people in my life who don't even know how much i value them.

i really need a hug. right. now. any takers?

oh, world. goodnight's all i got.