I just popped in the new OLP Live CD that Chris burned for me, in preparation for jotting some things down.

I want to leave. As in, knowing how much else there is out there in this big huge world of ours, I'm feeling trapped by the confines of Ferst Drive, wanting to explore the mountains and sleep under the stars surrounded by blackness, in which the only contaminate to the perfectly clear sky is my less than 20/20 vision. I want to meet new people, who don't understand how to use a paper towel holder in a public bathroom, like the woman I met today. I want to see my favorite blade of grass sway in the wind in my big concrete jungle of a parking lot and have Danny hanging over my desk because the seats are too close together and want to smell the salty air and breathe the water-thickened air as I listen to the wind, watch my tell-tales, and tack about.

I want to walk home from a metro stop at midnight and not be fearful of being raped or shot.

I want to live in a place where my neighbors value human life for what it is, not for what it can bring them (ie money fame power). To find myself in a place where everyone looks the same, not because they are the same color, but because they are all kindhearted --- they look the same on the inside. Sadly, I don't see any of this happening in my lifetime, but if I don't try to believe that it will, how can I try to change it? Is it worth it, is it worth to fight ignorance, history, tradition, beliefs. But if lil' ol' me gives up, how can I expect others to carry the torch, to march on for equality, peace, love, and a free and open market for everyone?

Today was two years. That's a long time. But it's flown by. Anyway, we went to Stone Mountain Park, to wander around and to see the laser show (which was incredibly awesome, by the way), which is what got me thinking about everything. About the fact that I first realized after returning from Europe two summers ago, the fact that the world is so much bigger than this. Than this room, this school, these classes, job prospects....I want to invest in other people, not in my "future," which is going to happen whether or not I "invest" in it. But friendships? Love? Trust, loyalty, laughter?? That's what takes the capital, that's what takes time and emotions to evolve. That's what I want to put in the bank now. Life is so tenative, it can end any second, and there's a fear of exactly that happening...I want to be able to stare a cocked gun down its barrel and confidently think, not only would you be sending me to my God, but I've already seen the world and experienced amazing things. It's alright. I want to be fearless, but not in the stupid, jump-off-a-bridge kind of way, but in the confident-in-life-because-I've-experienced-it kind of way.

Why is it that staring up at a clear sky, into the twinkling of a particular star, and music playing in the background, that I can totally lose touch with all that is around me and become absorbed physically in my thoughts, my dreams...only to be brought back by the sprout sitting next to me. It's a great feeling, that escape. Maybe that's why people do drugs, because they don't have darkened nights with tinkling stars and hazy, crescent-shaped moons.

I miss my grandpa.

That's all for now. Gotta keep chin-up and all that. This is good to think about, it will drive me to make sure I don't just wait around and wait for life to happen to me, but that I make it. And make it what I want. And what I want is not a 4.0. It's not money. It's just you, me, the stars, and a good conversation. So goodnight, World, for now. We will meet again, of this I assure you.