Additional thoughts to my previous post: it surprises me how my personal values and success markers have changed in the past year, too. I'd like to believe I've always placed high importance on family, friends, smiles, enjoying the moment, the environment, making someone else's day better, helping to make the people around me just a little more comfortable and happy; but, can we claim to have a certain value set unless we're actively pursuing the fulfillment of those values? Can I really, honestly say I have a passion for helping other people when I haven't honestly thought about the things that used to drive me to tears of frustrated helplessness - genocide in Sudan, the destruction of the rainforest?

Granted, we each tritely "make a difference" in our own small ways - I smile and laugh with everyone and anyone, strive to be a good friend and listener, and call my parents more often. When's the last time I thought about being a zookeeper? When's the last time I thought about giving up everything I have to go to Africa with the peace corp or a mission trip? Maybe I'm finally happy and satisfied with the current status of my life, and that's why I'm not driven to dream about other paths my life could take, but I'd like to think those things are still important to me. I don't want to ever be afraid to jump to do something I care about because life is easier standing still. I'm less afraid of stagnating or falling ill to complacency now than a year ago, but I still think we're always susceptible to the apathy of a familiar life.

I have to remind myself that I'm happy, so happy, with what I'm doing right now, and genuinly feel like I'm making my own little difference in small ways (like adding more cheer and hapiness to the regularity of offshore life; I bet Tommers is doing this too at his platform :)), and I want to get this dream out of my system before I starting thinking about fulfilling my next dream. Because I will. I will get around to all the things I've always dreamed of doing.

Dreams are kind of inherently selfish, since you really only follow the ones that are uniquely your own, that tug on your heart and drive you to take action. Accepting that is tough, that following your dreams and helping others can be personally fulfulling and joyful and doesn't have to be grudging or tedious. I also have to accept that a changing dream doesn't mean you're a bad person for not beleiving in the same things you used to, or that you're abandoning your principles.

Anyway, back to living my current dreams...riding my bike :)

Today is my one year anniversary of adulthood.

With this finite demarcation of 365 days done and gone, I can't believe that I've:
-lived in New Orleans
-worked in the real world
-paid for everything with money made only by me
-spent a week in Houston because of the worst hurricane in LA history
-traveled all over: various places in the Netherlands (7 weeks), Germany, Rome, Belgium, London, New York, Boston, Las Vegas, Miami, Destin, Atlanta
-went cabining in the wilds of Louisiana
-spent 6 weeks in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico
-visited my parents, grandma, and uncle
-became comfortable with who I am
-feel closer to who I want to be than I ever have before in my life
-been infatuated twice
-bought a condo
-painted two rooms in my condo
-bought two expensive, famous-designer brand purses
-bought a Trek 1000 bike
-learned what it's like to feel completely alone while surrounded by people and the mirage of a what a "perfect" 20-something life is supposed to be
-learned what it's like to finally be capable of relying on mtself for happiness and confidence, and to feel proud of myself not just because someone else told me I should be

One year ago today I embarked on the journey of my lifetime, and one year in I'm satisfied with where I've been, where I've come, and where I'm set to go. Sure, there are still plenty of things I'd like to change about myself and my life's setting, things I'd like to be better about, people I'd like closer, but I'm finally able to accept that THAT is life - always looking to modify, evolve, change, grow, adapt, challenge, learn, but to enjoy each experience and pain that contributes to all of those developments.

I can only hope that the next year will bring me the same opportnities for personal definition and growth, while challenging and exciting me the way this year has. Dubai/Nigeria is official (tickets bought!) for Nov 17 - Dec 4, New Year's will be spent in similar crazy fashion as last year (though most likely somewhere states side, tossing around the idea of Miami Beach right now), and this time next year I'll be figuring out where I want to post for my next job - Europe, Nigeria, Malaysia? Offshore again or on? Or maybe I'll find someone who makes me want to stay put for once :)

I appreciate my friendships more now than I ever have before, and feel amazingly blessed to be living this life. For today, for this year's marker, I am happy and thankful. I'm also realistic to see that the rosy tint everything has in retrospect right now, wasn't great until I had learned from it and moved forward, and similarly the next year will hurt and suck and make me cry sometimes, but at the end I'll how those things shaped me and made me better, and I'll be greatful again.