In my (recently) perennial (makes no sense) weblog reading, I came across this, which completely blew my mind, since I do believe I've said almost the exact same thing before, about the hot chocolate. From deeplyshallow, emphasis my own:

"So yesterday I'm wandering through Barnes & Noble with a friend, drinking a gigantic cup of hot chocolate (I'm absolutely, unchangeably not a coffee person, yet I meet people for coffee all the same; I never say, "Let's meet for hot chocolate!"), and somehow J. and I get off on the subject of obsessive-compulsiveness"

In prime procrastinating this week, I have become apart of the blogging community (well, I've created a one-sided connection, anyway. I've become apart of the blog reading community, perhaps).

In consistently reading my new favorite website, dooce , I've jumped from link to link to find soooo many other bloggers out there that I really enjoy. Photo-bloggers (photoggers? haha), people recording the next ten years of their lives in a blog, freelance writers demonstrating their skill, xml coders wanting jobs, whew. I'm so easily absorbed in what these people who all seem so world-weary yet guardedly optimistic, who I don't know, have to say. And I realized that I always want to click an "about" link to see who they are, what their life situation is, and it annoys me when they don't have one. Maybe I should make an "about" section so I don't similarly annoy alll those people who read this and don't know me (ha. ha.)

Anyway, I was thinking that this is the solution to all the kids with ADD -- no, Ridlin (sp?) is not the answer -- it's blog reading! Once you start, you just can't stop (especially if you have a test to study for). What a great way to teach the next generation about concentration, dedication, and possibly quality creative writing! Ahh, brilliance :)

The weeks have whooshed by. I'm nervous about the summer, just because I've become accustomed to always having something to do that whenever I have a stretch of time without a specific set of tasks to do, I feel unnerved. But I'm excited at the same time. After my spate of massive problems with periphery in my life the past week, I'll be glad to be at home with other people taking care of my day-to-day needs. Sigh. (oh, that periphy of which I speak include my computer breaking, then miraculously working again once I'm on the phone for the 3rd time with customer support; my two front tires needing desperately to be replaced; my back driver-side window not working; my plastic crate breaking as I carry it from the car to the storage shed....and so on. I know, such is life and I'm lucky it's only materialistic things breaking)

Thanks for the comments, you commentors, you...they make me smile :)

Goodnight world! (aka Hello book from which I shall study!)

I wound up the snowglobe, the one with the prince and princess in it (with the three fairy godmothers molded to the base, flying around a castle with magic sprinkles flying from their wands), and felt as if the globe was mirroring my thoughts with its slow, drawn out, last few notes of "Sleeping Beauty Ballet." Kind of fading away, being snatched up by the still, ambient air, enjoyed by only me. Sputtering.

Right now, my heart is filled with sadness, bitterness, and anger. I don't like it.

I don't like having my normally-happy, cheerful, optimistic mind overtaken by mean thoughts and cruelness towards other people. I want to live my life like a good person, but other people make that so damn hard. ha.

(Smelly and Frank just knocked into the wall we share. Yes! The sound of getting it on in the next room. Ha.)

Tonight, no, the past few weeks, have been such a tumult of conflicting emotions. I feel as if everyone around me is angry or sad at or because of someone else that they're supposed to be good friends with, that no conversations I have anymore are real, that everyone is just saying things, the right things to say to people's faces, and then turning around and saying the opposite. And it's horrible because I know I'm guilty of it too. (but I want to stop. ?)

I'm saddened because it feels like no one wants to live in this room anymore. Everyone feels like they've made the wrong decision by deciding to stay here together for another year -- there's something wrong for everyone, whether it's cleanliness or feeling lonely and out of place, or whatever -- and it makes me feel really duped, like I was under the impression that we were all one big family, or could be, and that we all made the conscious decision that next year was going to be different, that we were all going to make the effort to be better friends and hang out. Damn it, I really like this people and it feels like a slap in the face that I really want to be better friends with them and they just want out.

Talking to K tonight I realized another way we're similar (if I can be presumptuous to say this, K :) ): both of us (I think) put more into the relationships we're in than we get back. I feel so much vested emotionally in some people, or so much hope about what our relationship could be, while the other people don't return the feeling or realize the way I feel. So then careless actions they make that don't seem like they'd matter, hurt me a lot. A lot.

As the semester comes to a close, I return to myself -- my natural emotions, beliefs, what really makes me who I am and what makes me pursue my dreams. What reminds me of why I love Alex so much (woot woot UM and my favorite B-boy) and our great conversations; why I love K; why I love D and H; because they epitomize what makes me happy and allow me to be who I truly, completely am. During the stress of the semester, I definitely lose sight of that, of it all. I forget how important my mommy and daddy are. How important the people who care about me (the few, the proud :) ) are to me. I forget how my dreams have always been the same, I've just perverted their manifestation in the form of a mechanical engineering degree. How much I really just want to work in a remote forest, stopping logging, or working at a zoo cleaning bird poo. Because that stuff is simple, is pure, isn't complicated with emotions and questions and challenging perceptions. It's just me and my simple ideas of what makes life worth living day-to-day. Who cares about respect from "important" people or grades or a degree? I hate that I want to do the PeaceCorp, but in reading the qualifications necessary to do the environmental programs they offer, I realize how unqualified I am. How my degree has not put me any closer to my aspirations. How I'm too stubborn and hard headed to change that now, to get a degree that reflects what I want to actually do, and will, on paper (the only thing the rest of the world cares about) show that I'm qualified. Oye.

I'm mad that other people who I thought had good hearts put boys over friends, blatantly. I hate when people break commitments. And I hate that in doing all this hating, I've come to dislike myself very much too, for my not-nice actions sometimes. AAAAAAAA I just want to scream. It's all just so frustrating. Why can't the world just be simple like in my mind, simple like the library, where everything is arranged in a logical dewey-decimal order? Where there are pretty windows to look out of, to stare at a sanitized, clean, in-tact world. Where there are cubby holes to bury in when the picture outside the window is too beautiful to even fathom, to delve into. To escape from the dream of reality.

Why can't we all just speak our minds and get along? Granted, why can't I be mature enough to talk, face-to-face, to the people who make me upset? Am I scared? If I think honesty is so great, why aren't I jumping to share my brutal honesty?

Happy Birthday, K. I love you.

I want to know why the world ticks, why people hurt others, why things have to be complicated when really, the only things that really matter are the people around you, the sun shining down, and unadulterated, unconditional love. pure.

*sigh*

And then there's the people who disappoint me, because of their actions and how I feel they portray the person as having a cruel heart, an unfeeling one. Why can't arms wrap me up?

Goodnight, world. Maybe I'll believe in you more after a good night's sleep. *alwayshopingdreamingwantingwishingpraying*

San Antonio, Texas, here I come.

I cannot believe that my beloved Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets have made it to the NCAA Championship Final...everything good I have to say about the team, the players, the coach, the high standing people they all are, has already been said. So, I will just say, GO TECH!

I can't wait. All that stands between me and the Alamodome is a heat transfer test. Bring it on, convection. The conduction gang is here to stay. haha

Life is on the upswing and I like it.